Dictionary definition of ‘reading between the lines’:
“Look for or discover a meaning that is implied rather than explicit.”
Source = Cambridge Dictionary.
What are the reasons why people may not explicitly express themselves?
Many people don’t say what they are feeling for a number of different reasons.
- They live in their intellect and don’t believe in/trust their emotions.
- They worry about being ‘knocked back’ – rejected or criticised.
- They are shy.
- They don’t think their opinion matters.
- They are not used to saying what they really feel because other people e.g. extrovert colleagues or friends/family speak first.
- Fear of saying the ‘wrong’ thing.
- Lack of confidence in themselves.
- Strong characters or more senior people in the situation.
- Culture.
What other reasons would you add?
The language of ‘reading between the lines’
- Inferring – concluding something from evidence and reasoning
- Deducing – reasoning from the general to the particular to find a conclusion
- Interpreting – explaining or understanding the meaning of something including the implied or hidden meaning
- Gleaning – gathering information from various sources
- Surmising – supposing that something is true without having direct proof
Quotes about ‘reading between the lines’
“Meaning isn’t always found in the words themselves but rather in the spaces in between.” Michelle Sandlin.
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a lifelong quest for the wise.” Shannon L Elder.
9 tips to read between the lines
- Ask open clarifying questions, followed by ‘closed questions’ (to which the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no’) to check your understanding of the person and context.
- Know specifically how your intuition presents itself, e.g. a feeling/sensation in a specific part of the body.
- Use your unconscious mind to guide you – learn when your body is telling you ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a direct specific question.
- Reflect on who you know who is covert or overt in their communication.
- Listen with all your senses.
- Observe the person’s body language and voice pitch and tone.
- Notice the gaps, pauses and silence when someone expresses themselves.
- Ask yourself this question ‘What isn’t being said?”
- Observe their eye movements. (top left is remembering, top right is looking to the future/creating, bottom left is having an internal conversation, bottom right is connecting with their feelings.)
Examples of ‘reading in between the lines’
- Your partner is very grumpy and you think it is your fault. It turns out that their back is hurting, they just hadn’t told you this.
- Your relative is rude to you. You find out that they had a difficult day and that they projected their frustration onto you.
- Your friend doesn’t reply to your message. You take affront and then realise that they are withdrawn because they are having a difficult time, and it is their way of coping.
- You don’t hear back following a second interview. On reflection, you realise that you must be the no 2 candidate, and the delay may be caused by them having given a job offer to the no 1 candidate, and they are waiting to hear back from them.
- A contact you haven’t heard from for a while gets in touch and suggests that you meet up. You are really busy, but their unexpected contact makes you curious. You meet up with them and discover that they are feeling lonely.
What other examples can you think of where ‘reading between the lines’ is a useful skill?